Confession of a Drama Queen

Hi. Since I'm pregnant, I've never exactly tells anyone about my experience or my condition (details I mean) to get thru the first trimester or even received the suppose to be good news for newlywed.. is it?

I think few peps knew about 'not want to have a child or getting pregnant' that always come out from my mouth till somebody like my sista aka the pervert one smashing me back n saying "huish tak baik" "ko jangan".. then someone like perempuan melayu terakhir - soni amira's gf 'ishh takkan skin xnak zuriat…" then I heard icam membebel to my face "udah2 la hisap rokok tuu… nanti xdpt anak….'

I'm not kidding with the fact that Papi will ignore every time I made that statement as I think both of us knew that he always gets what he want. So why bother arguing with me? If he want new CD he will get one, if he want nikezoom worth 500++ he will get one, if he want children of course he will get it as he knew I will always put him first (nasib la ko anak tunggal).

OK. This coming statement is before June 2007 (as I don't want Baby Kecik to kecik ati with me)

Peps said don't plan. But we do. We plan all our trips till end of this year coz I've planned to conceive early next year. Using reason 'I'm not protected from Rubella' 'I'm not ready' 'I don't like children' 'I need a maid' 'I've no money' and even 'I'm not capable to take care a baby' and with those non-stop complains from me, Allah still love me and grant me rezeki that I almost tolak. Yes, I forgot that I always doa and asked Allah to murahkan our rezeki and berkati our family. How an earth can I forgot that?

It started when Papi's realize something happen n change to my body. Yes. From 32A goes to Miss 36B. AND my heart was pounding very fast when one day my mom asked me "adik pregnant ke?" seeing my non-stop menguap action & looked very tired (padahal tgh soping tu!!). I denied it and as lidah bercabang more than two (my x once told me), I lied to my mom. "adik kena blk skang ade tukang paip nk dtg umah"

I drive insanely and called papi immediately. No, I didn't used handfree and I told him that Mak said I'm pregnant!! I want to do a pregnancy test!. Know what happen? When Dr. Mastura at Idzham told me I'm pregnant, my reaction was.. as usual emotionless plus mulut menyongket. Boleh tak? And I almost yelled to my beloved Papi trying to blame him. I did think that he plan this for the next 2 weeks (heheheheh). And of course I felt so depressed. I got depressed till that time I wanna change my name to Miss Depressed.

The non-stop complaining behavior continues. No. I don't joke about not wanting a child

I even told Papi MANY TIMES that I still don't want. Boleh? I cried when Papi pujuk said that he also in the same situation, mixed feeling, confused, happy but worried about me. He said he wanted the baby but he don't want me to get hurt. He begged me keep the baby and promised to take charge and settle everything (yes, until now he the one who read the articles and bancuh susu aku heheheh).

Me? I still mad and depressed. Dah le aku mmg Garang. But when I called my kakak told her that we are going to keep the baby I was stunned when she advised me to stop complaining & whining. Stop thinking negative coz it will fire me back. Karma. Suddenly I don't know where comes the strength, I'm switching my mind and start accepting what peps said.. the journey of my life.

HELL.

I'm 5 weeks pregnant when I got the news. Start to my 7 weeks till 13 weeks was HELL. Mengada? I was born mengada. Morning sickness? YES but my doctor said it was a bonus coz I got discount where I just fighting with my natural IBS & nauseas. I didn't throw up every morning. No. I'm just got VERY TIRED, PENING, TAKDE SELERA, SAKIT BLKG, LOYA TANPA MUNTAH DAN JUGA TIADA DAYA TAHAN TERHADAP BAU2AN YG MELAMPAU such as sume bau masakan, perfume and Papi. Heeheheheh kadang papi busuk sgt mcm baru keluar dari longkang. I lost weight. I lost my appetite but I'm not moody. Sometimes I feel depressed (suddenly) and cry easily and thank god till today AKU TAK MENGIDAM. Papi not lying and keep his promise. Hehehe he's the proudest papi in the world I think. Thank you for always let me be me.

NOW

I feel more energetic. I'm hepi of my baby kecik. I love my baby kecik. I have strong feelings that he's a boy. I don't mind anyway, boy or girl. I can eat now eventho not much. I started to gain my weight back. My hip getting bigger so does my tummy. I can let papi touch my tummy now (before this I'm freaking out as I always thought that he will not love me anymore). I even can share my feeling now. My blog? My Hot Mami blog? I'm a Drama Queen. I can tell peps about my exciting story without showing my true feelings. But now I confess that I'm hepi, afraid also but more hepi. I keep praying that baby kecik will not kecik ati with me. It's not you. It's me. Your Drama Queen Mami.


p/s – that's more to confess. See u next blog